If you're around Christians often, you'll likely hear them talk about their daily devotional time, scripture reading time, and/or prayer time. It's usually one of the first things pastors recommend for Christians to incorporate into your schedule if you want to be spiritually healthy.

However, it's very easy to ignore this time because we're busy, too tired, or it's just boring. Then we feel guilty for missing it. Then whenever we look at our Bible on the table it just makes us feel guilty again.

It's easy for devotional time to start feeling like a legalistic burden—something we check off on our list of things to do in order to feel like good Christians, but not something we actually look forward to.

There's something I've been thinking about which has helped motivate me to try to make sure I take the time each day to spend reading scripture and praying, in a way that avoids the problem of devotions becoming boring or legalistic.

This might just be me writing for myself, but hopefully you will also find it helpful and encourage you to spend time with God in daily devotional time as well.

My Personal Experience of Beginning Devotions

For a long time I neglected to take some special time every day to pray.

While I would say a short prayer before falling asleep, often, I would fall asleep before I finished. Or I would just say a quick prayer that covered all my bases, and again, fall asleep. My bible sat unopened on my nightstand, as a show of good intentions, but it collected dust.

Prayer seemed like one-way communication. Like sending off a letter to a distant pen-pal, who never writes back. Or leaving a voicemail message for God. I heard some people say that God speaks to them through Scripture, and sometimes I would try flopping open a Bible to read some small portion of it and see if anything stood out. But usually nothing did.

I had tried different little devotional guides or books that promised to make it more fulfilling. My grandma would mail me the "Our Daily Bread" devotional. But they were boring. Or I would get a Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul book, and try to read those, but again, I didn't seem to get much out of it.

This disappointing experience with devotions meant that I didn't really look forward to it.

As part of one course at Tyndale for my Masters' degree, I was required to do daily devotions for a month. I resented it at first, because the exercises the textbook required us to do sometimes felt awkward or forced. But of course, I wanted full marks, and I wasn't going to lie about it. So I did it.

What I found was that spending time doing devotions every day became progressively easier. I also found I could start to hear what I thought was maybe the Holy Spirit speaking to me. (Even though I secretly worried maybe I was just telling myself what I wanted to hear.)

Since daily devotional time seemed to be making a slight difference, I tried to continue and make it a regular habit to spend 10-15 minutes in prayer before going to bed.

What I noticed was that, when I could get in the pattern of doing this for several days in a row, I would feel closer to God, and it was easier to hear that tiny, hardly-a-whisper voice of what seemed to be God providing encouragement, love, and other insights.

But then on other nights I would forget or I would get busy doing something else, and wouldn't take the time for devotions. When I would return to devotions, then it seemed like God was more distant, and it was not as easy to hear anything from the Holy Spirit in response to my concerns or prayers.

I couldn't figure out why this would be the case. After all, I figured, God loves me the same amount whether I do devotions or not. And nothing changed in terms of my commitment to God. So why would God seem to pull away and be more distant than usual, just because I forgot a day or two of devotions?

God Gives Us As Much of Him As We Desire

I can't remember clearly when it was that I had this insight, or what caused it. But it occurred to me that the reason why God seemed more distant and it was harder to hear anything from the Holy Spirit when I skipped devotions for a few nights in a row was because there is no secret formula of how to hear the Holy Spirit more easily.

Instead, it's about a relationship with God. And most relationships are built on proximity.

The people we get to know the best are those that we spend the most time with. It's very difficult to have an intimate long-distance relationship because there isn't regular contact. It's harder to feel close to someone when you only go for coffee once a year, or call once a month.

That's why when a friend moves away, no matter how well-intentioned we might be about continuing to be in contact with them, the reality is that usually the relationship fades away. We might still be interested in seeing their Facebook photos and updates, but it's not the same as seeing them at church every week, or at small group, or at work or school.

So similarly, regular contact with God will help us grow closer to God.

But there is also another factor which I think plays into this dynamic between us and God. That factor is that God wants to be desired.

I think that women may relate to this slightly more than men. Often women like to be the ones who are pursued by men. We want to be the ones who are asked out on dates, or who are proposed to. We like it when guys initiate romantic activities. Because it's just not the same if we have to be the ones always initiating it.

If the guy is not interested in talking with us or spending time with us, then for us to go out and ask for his attention comes across as desperate. It also makes his attention less meaningful when it is given in response to a request for time or attention. We worry that it's a chore, or that he would rather be doing something else, and that we're just being an annoyance.

Even though God the "Father" is described with male pronouns in Scripture, the reality is that God is not male or female, for God is Spirit (John 4:24). Yes, Jesus is a man, and there's various reasons why that was the most appropriate theologically and culturally that I don't want to get into here. But God is the source of all the traits of both men and women because God created both men and women. So I think that this relational dynamic that women can relate to explains why if we don't spend regular time with God or seek out God, God will become more and more distant from us.

It's not some divine quid-pro-quo, where God legalistically tallies up the time we spend in prayer or reading Scripture and only gives us as much as we've put in. But there is truth to the idea that God is thrilled when we want to spend time with Him. If we don't want to spend time with God, then God doesn't arrogantly demand our attention. Instead, he lovingly, gently gives us what we want — time away from him.

Conversely, God promises us that if we seek him intentionally, we will find him:

• Deuteronomy 4:29: "You will seek the Lord your God and you will find him, if you search after him with all your heart and with all your soul."
• Jeremiah 29:13: "You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart."
• Proverbs 8:17: "I love those who love me, and those who seek me diligently find me."

David also said "Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart" (Psalm 37:4). If our desire is for more of God, God will certainly grant this desire.

But I think the converse is also true. If we want less of God, then God will give us less of Himself. If we don't do daily devotional time in prayer with God or reading His word in Scripture, then our priorities are shown to be elsewhere, and God responds accordingly.

There is an image in Revelation of Jesus standing at the door of the Laodicean church, asking if they would let Him into their lives:

Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and eat with him, and he with me.(Revelation 3:20)

Free Grace theologian Zane Hodges comments on this verse, saying

He [Jesus] stood, therefore, on the threshold of their lives. With His rebukes He spoke to them, and with His discipline He knocked on the door of their hearts. But it was up to them to respond. It was for them to open the door to Him. And if they did, He would dine with them and they would dine with him. The choice was theirs. He would not break down the door.1

This verse is not just talking about salvation, because every Christian has the Holy Spirit indwelling their hearts the moment they believe (Ephesians 1:13-14).

But as Hodges argues, there is an extra-special level of personal relationship that Christians can have with Jesus.

This is shown when Jesus said

"Whoever has my commandments and keeps them, he it is who loves me. And he who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I will love him and manifest myself to him." Judas (not Iscariot) said to him, "Lord, how is it that you will manifest yourself to us, and not to the world?" Jesus answered him, "If anyone loves me, he will keep my word, and my Father will love him, and we will come to him and make our home with him." (John 14:21-23)

So as Hodges says, "Yes, our bodies are the temple of God (1 Corinthians 6:19-20). But our lives—our earthly experiences—can likewise become His place of residence: 'We will make Our home with him'!"2

Hodges continues:

The Lord Jesus Christ, therefore, offers Himself to individual believers as a divine Guest. If they will respond to Him, if they will love and obey Him, He will make their hearts and lives His personal habitation so that their experience will be like having supper with their Savior. Across the common 'table' which they share, they can communicate freely and He can make Himself known to them. He can manifest Himself to them.3

This would be an amazing privilege. Can you imagine if Jesus came and said to you "I want to come to your house for dinner tonight"? Well, it turns out you can have this level of personal communication with Jesus every night, through personal prayer and devotional time, if you want it.

But as in Revelation 3:20, even for Christians, Jesus will not intrude into our lives if we don't want Him there. He won't break down the door.

How Much Of God Do You Want?

So the question of why we don't experience more of God in our personal lives does not seem to be a lack of willingness on God's part. Instead, it depends on how much we want God in our lives.

Can we say with David that "As a deer pants for flowing streams, so pants my soul for you, O God. My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. When shall I come and appear before God?" (Psalm 42:1-2)

If not, then why not?

As a way to test how much we want God, let's do a thought experiment and imagine how we might spend our time in heaven.

It's fun to think of all the activities that we might want to do in heaven that we never got a chance to do in our lives now, or that we want to do more of but can only do in small amounts here. Or all the people we could meet and talk to. All the adventures, mansions, fashion, and whatever else we imagine heaven will be like.

But can we imagine that we're in heaven, and we only get as much of God as we asked for in this life? Would that be satisfying to us?

Would we want to spend only 5 minutes with Jesus every day for all eternity? Would we want to see Him only for an hour each week, like many Christians do now when they attend church and then go about their week without giving God a second thought?

I think most Christians expect that we will spend much more time with God in heaven. Maybe even all our time with God. But then, why does it seem that we often don't make any time for God in our lives now?

Of course, one answer is that we are busy and we have many things to do, some of which are even good things that we're doing for God. We have responsibilities for work and taking care of ourselves and our families which requires lots of time. Unless we're a monk or nun, we can't spend all day in prayer, and I think God knows this. In some ways, we are in a long-distance relationship with God in this life, which are never as close as relationships when we are with someone in person.

But there's an interesting analogy I found for my relationship with God, when I compare it to when I go home to my parents' house for Christmas, as I did this year.

Often, my husband does not come with me for various logistical reasons, including the expense of flights and hotels. When I am at home I get busy doing Christmas shopping, dinners, watching movies, and other fun activities. It's easy to fall into the pattern of sending one text-message to my husband at night to wish him good-night, and then, nothing the rest of the day.

Yes, I know my husband loves me still, and that he knows I'm busy with family events and other things. But it was nicer on the days when I took a longer period of time to phone him and chat about my day. After some time spent on the phone, he didn't seem so far away, and we seemed closer than on the days when we only traded good-night text messages.

My goal then for this year is to incorporate the pattern of spending some time each night "on the phone" with God, rather than sending only a quick spiritual 'text-message' before I fall asleep. It's also a reminder to try to think of God more often or pray occasionally throughout the day, because ideally I want to spend every minute I can with God.

So if I'm tempted to put off devotional time, I will remind myself that God gives us as much of Himself as we want. If I want more of God, I need to spend more time with God, by reading His word in Scripture, and in personal prayer.

Having a Two-Way Relationship With God

One reason why I found devotional times often unsatisfying in the past was because, as mentioned earlier, it seemed like it was only one-way communication.

The key to satisfying devotions then, is to learn how to hear God speaking back to you.

I know some people might be suspicious of my claim that through regular devotions I could start to hear God speaking more clearly in a tiny unheard whisper. But I've heard other Christians say something similar.

Plus, it matches with Elijah's experience in 1 Kings 19:12, which describes God's voice as a "low whisper". We should expect to be able to hear God's voice; Jesus says his sheep will hear and know his voice (John 10:3-4, 16, 27).

Skeptical Christians might say "Well, God only speaks through Scripture, and there's nothing for God to say to you beyond that! If that's not good enough for you, then you're in trouble." Some are skeptical of the idea of personally experiencing God, or fear that they will be led astray into mysticism and other dubious practices.

But does God just hand us a book and tell us "That's all you get of me. Have fun for eternity"? What sort of a relationship is that?

I think maybe this claim that all we need is Scripture is why some Christians don't have passion for their relationship with Jesus, or seem to fall into strict legalism and judgment instead of having love, grace, and mercy for others. If they don't experience God's love for them in their personal prayer times, then how can they pass it on to others?

When I thought that I should be satisfied with just reading Scripture, it made me extremely jealous of those in Scripture who did hear God speak directly to them. For example, like when Samuel heard God so clearly he thought he was hearing his human mentor Eli speak (1 Samuel 3:4-5).

I thought "Why does Samuel get that direct and clear relationship with God, and all I get is a book?". If the Church is the body of Christ (1 Corinthians 12:27), and the bride of Christ (Ephesians 5:28-32, Revelation 19:7), then why shouldn't we have just as close of a relationship with Jesus?

I longed to hear Jesus' voice, and so I would read the gospels, but I still didn't hear him really speaking to me. And so, my passion for devotional time faded when I expected only a one-way relationship. Why spend time on the phone talking to someone who never answers back?

Of course, knowing Scripture is extremely important, because the Holy Spirit inspired Scripture (2 Peter 1:21), and so in our personal prayer time the Holy Spirit will never tell us anything that contradicts Scripture.

Scripture is also how we learn more about what God is like, and how God often interacts with people, which helps us discern whether something we hear is from God or not.

Some people claim that God makes certain passages of Scripture stand out to them during their time reading the Bible, which God may certainly do. And it is true that God might bring passages to mind as ways of speaking to you, if you have them memorized (another good reason to be familiar with Scripture). But for me, trying to force God to speak to me through Scripture through practices like Lectio Divina don't work.

What works better for me is to sit down in my room in private, and pray about things that are on my mind or heart. When I'm done, I ask God "Is there anything you want to say to me? Or anything you want to talk about?"

Sometimes that little voice appears or something comes to mind. Sometimes I'll 'hear' encouraging phrases like "You're doing well, keep going" or "I love you", or even a few sentences about an issue I'm facing in my life. Sometimes I'll get sudden insights into things to write about or investigate, or ideas for how to solve a problem or what course of action to do.

Now, I am a 'logical' personality type, and so I've always been somewhat suspicious of personal subjective experiences of God. I worry "what if I'm only telling myself what I want to hear?"

As an experiment, I tested two alternatives: trusting that little voice, or being skeptical of it.

When I trusted it, I was often reassured, encouraged, comforted, and felt God's love and close to God. When I was skeptical of it, then I felt despair, loneliness, anxiety, and discouragement.

Of these, which result seems more like it is from God, who is love (1 John 4:8), who wants a loving relationship with me, and cares for me (1 Peter 5:7)? And which one seems like it is from Satan? John writes "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly." (John 10:10).

So I've discovered that my criteria for judging whether something comes from God is whether it leads to abundant life. If it leads to hope, joy, love, and peace for me, then I presume it must be from God (Galatians 5:22).

Sometimes that includes convictions of sin, or critique of my ways of thinking. But it's never in a way that is harsh, unloving, hateful, or accusatory. The little voice never insults me, demeans me, or tells me I'm not good enough or that I'm a failure. Usually, that's my own inner critic or doubts and fears, perhaps played up by Satan.

In some ways, I think my skepticism about hearing God speak to me in prayer was replicating the exact problem that Adam and Eve had in the Garden of Eden.

Although all their experiences with God were positive up to that point, Satan was able to plant a little bit of doubt into their minds about what God was like. Satan suggested that God maybe God was holding back some good from them (Genesis 3:4-5). He made them doubt whether God had actually said what God had told them (Genesis 3:1).

When I am tempted to doubt whether the little voice I hear is from God, I remember that I've never had any experiences with God which should lead me to doubt His goodness and love for me. And so there is no reason to be skeptical, and no reason to ask myself, like the serpent asked Adam and Eve "Did God really say that?"

As someone who prefers to judge things based on logic, evidence, and reason, and not 'feelings' or subjective experience, this is a new way of reasoning which at times feels uncomfortable. I do still sometimes fear that I'm just telling myself what I want to hear. But there's really no other option for me, based on my experimental results described above.

I also trust that if my goals are in alignment with God's, then I can trust that God wants me to succeed, and doesn't want to hurt me. How would that help God's purposes? If a kingdom is divided against itself it won't do well (Matthew 12:25).

Plus, even though the human heart is deceitful (Jeremiah 17:9), I remember that I also have the Holy Spirit in me, and the Holy Spirit is more powerful than my sinfulness. So I should expect that the Holy Spirit can actually speak accurately to me, despite my sinful, deceptive heart.

Perhaps there are still some sort of trust issues from some things I read or heard in the past about God which were wrong. Or maybe I have some issues from my childhood (and who doesn't, in one way or another?). But I think the solution to this is to read more Scripture, and to keep up my devotional time, in order to gain further personal experience that God is fully good, loving, and trustworthy.

Maybe you've never struggled with this issue, and if so, then I'm glad for you. But if you have wondered these things, I hope my experience can be helpful to you.

Conclusion

So if you find that you're wanting more of God than you're currently getting, the place to start is by spending more time with God in prayer.

Also, try to find time to read Scripture daily, because that will provide the discernment and source material for the Holy Spirit to speak more clearly to you, and can help you discern God's voice from other thoughts when you pray.

I still forget sometimes to stop working late at night and go pray. But occasionally I hear that little reminder of "Come, spend time with me" or "Why not read some of my Word?". Usually when that happens it's a good idea just to drop everything and go do that right away.

But it would help to be more consistent and schedule time in the morning or evening. I schedule time to call my parents each week. So why shouldn't I do the same for God? It doesn't make it fake, it makes it intentional, and God rewards those who seek him by helping them find Him.

That's my new year's resolution this year. Maybe it could be yours also?

Footnotes:

• 1. Zane C. Hodges, Absolutely Free: A Biblical Reply to Lordship Salvation, Second ed. (Corinth, TX: Grace Evangelical Society, 2014), 114.
• 2. Zane C. Hodges, Absolutely Free: A Biblical Reply to Lordship Salvation, Second ed. (Corinth, TX: Grace Evangelical Society, 2014), 116.
• 3. Zane C. Hodges, Absolutely Free: A Biblical Reply to Lordship Salvation, Second ed. (Corinth, TX: Grace Evangelical Society, 2014), 116.